Intimacy

I know that this topic can be a sensitive issue. This topic can also make people very uncomfortable. I think what is most important here is to have a conversation regarding this topic and to remember that open communication helps to have a clearer understanding of your partners feelings, needs and wants. With this having been said, my intention is to discuss What intimacy should be; things to avoid that jeopardize the intimacy between you and your partner and what helps to improve the intimacy you share with your partner.

What should intimacy be…

We learn in the article, They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage by Brent A Barlow, “Sexuality is a beautiful power given to mankind from God…for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness.” (Barlow, 1986) He goes on to share that “neither the husband nor the wife alone control the physical relationship, that both are diligent in their commitment of each other, and that both have a nurturing attitude toward the other. “ (Barlow, 1986)

One of the things that we have been warned of is emotional infidelity. We have all kinds of ways to interact somewhat secretly through our electronics whether it’s email, twitter, Facebook or other applications. Some of the signs of emotional infidelity are making excuses to spend time with someone other than your significant other, flirting with a coworker, sabotaging your own relationship or becoming involved with watching pornography. We are given specific questions to ask ourselves in the article, Fidelity in Marriage by Kenneth W Matheson. These questions to ask yourself are:

                Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?

                Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you’re at home?

Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?

Do you email and text your friend when you’re not together?

Have you told your spouse about these messages?

Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?

Do you compare your spouse to your friend?

Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend? (Matheson, 2009)

If you find your answers to be in the affirmative, you need to sit down with your spouse and talk about this.

So, how do you improve this situation? President Howard W Hunter has said, “Tenderness and respect – never selfishness – must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife.” (Hunter, 1994)

A simple quote from Dr Goddard’s book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage states the solution, “The grass is greener on the side of the fence you water.” (H Wallace Goddard, 2007)  

Works Cited

Barlow, B. A. (1986, September). They Twain Shall Be One: Thought on Intimacy in MArriage. Ensign.

H Wallace Goddard, P. (2007). Drawing Heaven Into Your Mariage. Fairfax: Meridian.

Hunter, H. W. (1994, November). Retrieved from LDS.ORG: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1994/11/contents?lang=eng

Matheson, K. W. (2009, September). Fidelity In Marriage. Ensign.