Are you gridlocked??

Are We Gridlocked?

Many of us know what gridlock is. It is the experience of being stuck with no way out, this usually is a circumstance related to traffic. But, this can also be the circumstance when dealing with a problem in our relationships. In the book written by John M Gottman, PhD entitled, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he discusses problems that are either solvable or gridlocked. I found this to be an interesting topic, this problem could happen at work when you and a coworker do not agree on how to solve a problem or even if the circumstance is a problem. I work in a preschool for children who appear high on the autism spectrum and often we discuss behaviors that pop us that are either related to the child’s medical diagnosis or is it just a phase. This can be a similar circumstance in a marriage, is the problem at hand something that needs to be addressed such as are you not doing your share of housework because you are working on a big project that is wearing you down or do you not like to do housework so you are avoiding helping. There are signs to a problem being gridlock. They are things like you keep talking about it but are not making headway, you become unwilling to change your stance on a solution; your discussions about this problem are very serious and have no humor to them; your position is becoming more polarized; and eventually you disengage from each other emotionally. (PhD, 1999).

The signs of knowing that your circumstance is something that can be solved would be “your focus is only on a particular dilemma or situation. There is no underlying conflict that’s fueling your dispute. As we see that list for problems being solvable is far shorter than that of the gridlocked or unsolvable problems. I also want to note that most problems with a little extra motivation and willingness to seek less clear solutions are solvable. This means that for just about any issue there is a solution.

What if you feel there is no workable solution to your issue? In the book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage by H Wallace Goddard, PhD, he shared a statement that I think must be clearly heard. “Please note that no partner should have to tolerate physical violence.” (H Wallace Goddard, 2007) The advisement for this situation is counseling. We are reminded through Dr Goddard’s writing that “We can follow Christ’s example and act to serve and redeem our partners, or we can crab and complain that we have not gotten what we deserve.”

I know that marriage is not easy, it is an experience we wake to every morning and take to bed with us every night. We are married to the person who knows us the best. They have seen us at our worst and at our best. Striving to avoid the gridlock and take the beautiful winding country road is a great way to spend time with that person so close to you and a great way to keep them close to you.

J

Works Cited

H Wallace Goddard, P. (2007). Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. Fairfax: Meridian.

PhD, J. M. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New york: Harmony.