In the reading I have done this week in preparing for
this post, I have found several words that have stood out to me. Words such as
obedience, sacrifice, character, and admiration. My thought was that each of
these words require the action of the other to become a great action that we
then use to honor our partner. Each of these words when practiced allow us to
be a better person.
As I was preparing this week I thought often of my
husband because this week is Valentine’s Day and I wanted to do something
special for him but at the same time we are busy with school, work, a child in
crisis and life in general. As we talked about this we decided that instead of
going out and buying gifts for each other we would work on spending a few hours
each weekend together. We decided that what is most important is our actions
toward each other. We can sacrifice our own time to do something the other
wants to do.
We can be of good character. In Goddard’s book it speaks of having
good character and this is determined through our thoughts, feelings and
actions. If we are working to serve someone they should be in our forethoughts,
we should strive to have positive and loving feelings toward them and our
actions should be signs of our love through the service we can do. We can serve
our partner through obvious things, like help around the house or making dinner
when they are deep in homework.
There are other ways to serve our partner like knowing
what their likes and dislikes are. We want to make sure that we know our
partner well. Not just what they prefer for dinner but also things like what
stresses them out. In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,
John Gottman gives several lengthy lists of questions that allow you to get to
know your partner through topics like fondness and admiration or your history.
There are also some options for open ended questions that allow for a conversation.
I am thinking of using some of these questions each evening after dinner for a
short conversation to see where we are now as opposed to where we were 5 and 10
years ago. I think having open communication with your spouse not only keeps
you connected but also allows others around you to see you modeling this and
helps others to see positive interactions between husband and wife. There are
many stressors that happen during a marriage such as the birth of a child or
the death of a parent. Each of these bring their own kinds of stress to a
relationship and being able to communicate with your spouse will help each of
you to be able to lighten the load of your spouse and this ultimately has a
very positive effect on your relationship. Several years ago, my husband and I
experienced a year of unemployment while living across the country from any
family. We made a decision that we would sit and talk about what we were most
concerned with every few days. This allowed us to share the stress and help
find solutions to difficult issues. We relied heavily on prayer and faith at
this time and know that we were not alone and had the support of each other as
well as our heavenly father. This made the circumstance bearable and
strengthened our marriage at a time when others going through the same issue
did not fare so well.
Works
Cited
John M Gottman, P. (1999). The Seven Principles
for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony.
PhD, H. W. (2007). Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage.
Fairfax: Deseret Book.
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