Emotional Connecting with

Finding that emotional connection is not always an easy one. As a long-married person, for me it is something that I feel I continually tweak to keep connected. As I read through our readings this week there are many suggestions as to how to keep that connection. For me, it is making sure that my central focus is not me. We are told by Dr Gottman that, “One virtue of turning toward each other is that it is so easy to accomplish. It only takes a small gesture to lead to another and another.” (PhD, 1999) It is not difficult to share a kind word or a simple act that will be appreciated. Once we have taken that first step, it is like learning to walk, you take a couple of shaky steps and then you are off and running.

As we work to stay emotionally connected with our loved one we need to remember that we need to put them first. We need to not allow our “needs, wants and preferences” to get in the way. (H Wallance Goddard, 2007). We are able to be better connected with our spouse if they are our focus. President Hinckley reminded us, “I find selfishness to be the root of most of (the problems that lead to broken homes).” It is not always easy to place our spouse first in our thoughts and deeds as we deal with the struggles of everyday life with kids, work, school and family.

We are also reminded to not get caught up in our electronics. I know that my family can easily get distracted with social media. We have held up prayer for a meal, family prayer and even blessings for the ill while someone was finishing a game or messaging someone. Social media can be a great thing, it is how we stay connected to our out of state family but we can’t let it take the place of conversations and interactions that are in the room we are in. We need to show our loved one that they are more important than a quick game on our phone or the message that just popped up. Besides if it was really important most people would call you.

So, what I learned this week is I should not be the most important person to me in my relationship. One of my favorite quotes from my reading this week comes from the Goddard book, and it states, “if we replace judgement and condemnation of each other with compassion and love, we not only find more peace, serenity and tranquility but also become one smidgen more like God.”

J.

References

H Wallance Goddard, P. (2007). Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. Fairfax: Meridian Publishing.

PhD, J. M. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Harmony books.