The Challenges in Marriage

The Challenges in Marriage

There are many challenges that we will face during our marriage. In the beginning of my marriage my husband and I struggled with finding a balance with both my parents and his. We have dealt with the growing pains of having children, financial struggles caused by unemployment and growing older and becoming “empty nesters”.

This week we have been given great information on the challenges that will cross our paths as we go through the journey of marriage. There are three specific challenges to speak of this week. 1) The challenge of finances; 2) The baggage you bring into your marriage and 3) The challenge of your extended families on your “new” family. These aren’t in any specific order and may challenge you early in your marriage or later in life.

First, the challenge of finances. There are many stages that you go through in life, single life where it is just you and you choose where and when to spend your money and learn to deal with credit and the good and bad of it; married with or without children where you learn to plan for money to be spent on things that aren’t necessarily what you want to spend money on; Married life with or without children where a couple learns to be a couple. In chapter 11 of the book Till Debt Do Us Part by Bernard Poduska, he shares great counsel, “The important issue is not that you and your partner got married but whether the two of you still want to be married.” (Poduska, 2000) He goes on to state, 1’Failure to continue to court one another may tip the scales toward divorce, Divorce usually represents not just an emotional setback for both partners but a financial setback as well.” (Poduska, 2000) The other steps are that of married or single with children 10 to 19 where you deal with the expenses of teens and preparing for their departure into life. Stage four is that of launching your children into society. This is where you child will leave the home and live on their own. It is important to note that they can return after an unsuccessful attempt. The final stage is that of married or single, with launched children. This part is where a couple can begin to spend their money on things they have wanted to do but were spending money on their children. This is also a place where one must be careful because when you retire your budget won’t be expanding and becomes very fixed even as medical expenses from getting older set in.

The Second challenge we face is that of dealing with establishing yourselves as a couple. The challenge here is finding a balance with your parents and in-laws. We learn in the scriptures that a man should leave his family, most don’t leave and go far away and the closeness of a family can cause a sort of tug of war. In our reading, Chapter 37, Creating Healthy Ties with In-Laws and Extended Families, there is a quote from President Kimball where we are reminded, “First, married children should confide in and counsel with their spouse. Second, if possible, they should establish their own household, separate from their parents. Finally, any counsel from outside sources should be considered prayerfully by both spouses together. (James M Harper, 2005). Other direction given is accept your spouse for who they are, help your spouse to get to know your family, forgive and remember, “Extended family relationships can do much to support and strengthen family members.”

The last challenge is the baggage we bring into our marriage. We are reminded in the reading What We Bring With us by Bernard Poduska, “We do not enter marriage empty handed.” (Poduska, What We Bring With Us, 2000). Mr Poduska reminds us that we bring our self-esteem, our attitudes, expectations and our willingness. It is important to establish our family rules and to know what is expected of us. It is important to discuss these rules, try to blend what you may have followed with what your spouse may have experienced with his family and create your own rules.

There are many challenges you will face as you go through your journey with your spouse. It is important to hold onto one another, listen to each other to mold your family into what the two of you want it to be. This may or may not be a blended version of where you have been. Ultimately, it will be what the two of you want and need. An eternal marriage lasts for eternity. This is a long time to work together to create what your family will be.

J.

Works Cited

James M Harper, S. F. (2005). Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families. In L. D. Craig H Hart, Helping and Healing Our Families (p. chapter 37). Rexburg: Brigham Young University.

Poduska, B. (2000). Till Debt Do Us Part. Salt Lake: Shadow Mountain.

Poduska, B. (2000). What We Bring With Us. Salt Lake City: Shadow Mountain.