Welcome to my blog. My name is Jen, I have been married for more than 28 years. My intention of this blog is to post my views on relationships, specifically for a class I am taking at school right now.

My first post will seem kind of odd, the topic of divorce. But, as you read it, you may notice there is great information given for how to strengthen your marriage and avoid the D word. As I thought of a title this old country song came to mind.

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Divorce, not something I have thought much about. I am a minority to many, I have been married to the same man for 28 + years. Although I have not experienced it personally it has touched my life in many ways, whether it is my siblings, extended family, friends, coworkers or the children that I work with on a daily basis.

We know that those most affected by divorce are the children.They suffer cognitively, socially and emotionally We learn in the article, The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social and Emotional Well-being of the Next Generation, by Paul R Amato that children “who grow up in a stable, two-parent family have a higher standard of living, receive more effective parenting, and are subjected to fewer stressful events and circumstances.” Unfortunately, as much as we love our children staying in a marriage for the sake of our children is not a good reason.

People divorce for many reasons. It may be because their spouse was unfaithful, their may be an addiction, or financial issues. In the article, Divorce by Dallin H. Oaks, we learn that the remedy for many issues “is not divorce but repentance…the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness…not separation but reformation.” It is imperative that those who are struggling seek counsel. Bishops do not advise couples to divorce, they can counsel couples on how to deal “with the consequences of their decisions.

There are choices to be made and actions to take as couples strive to repair their relationships. We are advised to avoid things that make us incompatible, be your partners best friend, be kind, be considerate, be sensitive to each other’s needs, always seek to make each other happy, be partners in finances and work together. There are also things we need to avoid and not do. These are things like not bringing up wrong doings regularly. We must remember that “festering is destructive; forgiving is divine.”

We must remember to pray together and “prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement.” Elder Dallin H Oaks reminds us that “whatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep his commandments, and just do the best you can.”

Divorce is a part of our society, not every marriage will survive, all we can do is our best.

Paul R. Amato; The Future of Children, Vol. 15, No. 2, Marriage and Child Wellbeing (Autumn, 2005), pp. 75-96

Dallin H Oaks; Divorce, Ensign (May 2007)